Hate Everything, Kill Everyone

I like how 80+% of the women I see on dating sites nowadays are overweight.  Oh wait, no I don't.  Really, I mean, I know I'm no Adonis, but for God's sake - stop admiring pictures of your friends' kids, put down the chocolate and glass of Merlot, get up off the couch, and go for a f#$%ing walk.  Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go murder my neighbors (the ones across the hall are having yet another party, and the ones below me have gone in and out of their patio at least 10 times in the past hour, which shakes my floor and creates a sound akin to thunder when they open and close their sliding door).